Dear readers,
I’m writing to you on a new moon, a period of release. I offer you a short but sweet missive. Thank you so much for reading and subscribing (and sharing!). It means so much to me xoxo.
Sometime in the first half of 2020, I saw a quote post shared on a friend’s instagram story. It read: “You may do this, I tell you, it is permitted. Begin again the story of your life.”
I can’t describe the relief I felt when these words flashed across my phone screen. I was unhappy and I knew it, but I was still clinging to the hope that my life as is was would be enough to sustain me. Beginning again is is the hardest thing I’ve done, but the greatest gift I’ve ever given myself.
Da Capo
Take the used-up heart like a pebble
and throw it far out.
Soon there is nothing left.
Soon the last ripple exhausts itself
in the weeds.
Returning home, slice carrots, onions, celery.
Glaze them in oil before adding
the lentils, water, and herbs.
Then the roasted chestnuts, a little pepper, the salt.
Finish with goat cheese and parsley. Eat.
You may do this, I tell you, it is permitted.
Begin again the story of your life.
— Jane Hirshfield
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I can't hear my current life through the thunder of the life-that-once-was and the life-that-was-going-to-be. These lives have no footing in reality now but they take up so much space in my brain, in my heart. Maybe my life-that-is, my life-that-will-be looks similar, maybe it looks wildly different but I need to create a quiet space where I can hear it and see it and dream it. So much grief, mourning, movement...I'm afraid to say what I want - afraid that by speaking its name it will not come to be.
- August 9, 2021