Bread & Foxgloves
a few scenes of early summer
End June
The roses in the front garden
are almost all gone by,
petals browning and falling,
quiet and unhurried.
The sweat shines on my arms and face
as I wrest the final bedroom window open
to let in the breeze at last.
I wrote this poem during one of my college summers, when I would return to my family home and bathe in the scent of roses. I grew up in the trailer that my great grandmother Agnes lived in, and these were her roses. As a child, I had an annual ritual of gathering handfuls of the petals, just when the flowers were beginning to wilt, stuffing my tiny fists full of that heavenly pink, then tossing them in the air, delighting in the cascade of natural confetti that would come down around me. I visited my family this past week to celebrate my little brother's birthday, and I found myself instinctually repeating this joyful ritual. These roses, along with peonies, beach roses, and bougainvillea became the natural dye for my wedding dress (more on that story another time). Their aroma is soft, and the sight of them always heralds the end of spring, and the beginning of summer.
Summer has historically been a difficult time for me. I experience nausea, headaches, increased anxiety, and a decreased appetite. Daylight savings, heat, sun, FOMO, etc. all are likely suspects, and over the past few years I've learned about many strategies to mitigate these symptoms. (Informal investigation had led me to think this may be due to SAD - seasonal affective disorder, which is now being referred to as major depressive disorder [MMD] with seasonal pattern. I'm planning on talking to my new doctor about this, wish me luck!)
These are some things I find helpful:
staying out of the sun and TAKING BREAKS from being out in the heat (sunglasses, long shirts, hats, sunscreen, parasols, shade seeking)
AC is my friend :) also giant water bottles of ice water
lowering my expectations. this one is hard but may be the most effective, because there is this narrative in summertime (especially in the northeast where we have a very short summer) that we have to book our days with social events and trips and luxuriate in the sun and swim everyday, etc. I do my best to resist FOMO by being present with the activities I choose to participate in, as well as recognizing that I can and do appreciate the weather all year long, because every season holds its unique magic.
If you also experience the summertime blues, please don't hesitate to reach out! Let's share tips and tricks!
A big change (among many) that came this week is that I quit my job. Not in a rad 'I quit my job to follow my dreams' way but in a 'my hours were severely cut with no notice and it's time to leave' sort of way. I've been reeling from it, and I've been surprised by how much it feels like a breakup. My heart has had enough this year! Yours too? Okay, good to know I'm not alone! In the wake of my decision, I reached out to the organizer of a local queer makers market and got a last minute space for my table. It was a long, hot, happy day, and at the end of it a local bakery gave me a loaf of bread and a farmer brought me some foxgloves that had wilted in the heat (relatable) but perked right up when I put them in water. I'm feeling a lot of faith in, and gratitude for myself and my community; at the end of the day, I had bread, I had roses, or you know, foxgloves.
As I search for employment and enter the known unknowns that constitute the Future, I want to share that I plan on setting up a table at the farmer's market in Portland on Saturdays, as well as at the first Friday art walk (weather permitting). You can also order art from me on my website, and stay tuned for a belated June zine, which is in the works.
xoxo
m
ps. the new moon is tomorrow
pps. Grace offers words of comfort here
Despite being a double Cancer baby I also struggle in the summer Maya! I really wish we lived in a society set up with a siesta style break in the middle of the day. Midday summer sun is too much, but I have come to love the cool early mornings and late summer twilight. Thanks for sharing xo
maya, thank you for sharing all of this! It's really helpful to see others share about how the seasons feel for them (and the particular challenges!) I feel like summer is expected to be this perfect, playful, and like you mention, overly-booked time (especially over here in the northeast, but I also think this is present in CA, but maybe to a bubbling over/constant extent? eek). but in reality, my body has limits, often more than other people's. thank you for your perspective, and the reminder about the new moon! x