Summer's End
I'm writing about clothes again
In September all light is dappled and everything glistens; the light plays on unlikely surfaces. The wind is constant and the aspen, with its leaves perfectly designed to catch the wind, appears to quicken and dance. Silver maples shine as if every leaf’s underside has been plated in precious metal. The energies of summer are carried over into this month in preparation for wintering over. The days still blaze with heat while the nights freeze. Cold lingers in the mornings only in shadows while the rest of the land swallows the sun.
- from my journal, September 2016
If you're a reader who has been around since my earlier instagram days, you probably recall that I used to write about my clothes a lot more than I have in the past year or so. OOTDs, detailed descriptions of the patterns I used or where I bought this or that garment, how I had altered it or repaired it. I stopped for many reasons, one of which was my mounting self consciousness. In the midst of disaster, it felt silly for me to write about clothes publicly, even as they felt increasingly important to my work and life. I can't tell if I'm more or less self conscious now - all I know is that I feel more like myself these days, and that is making me excited to write about clothes again. I thought I would join my dear friend Grace on their series Clothes Feelings, where they write about clothes and outfits that just feel right.
So here is my first outfit, captured by my dad on a bright and beautiful September morning.
The Dress: Fittingly, this vintage homemade dress was given to me recently by Grace :) This was my first time wearing it! It has the tiniest blue and pink flowers dotting it, which I adore. I found out it also works well as a nightgown, hence the wrinkles. I've been taking turns with my dad, spending every other night at the hospice house where my mom is staying, so this kind of garment feels like just the ticket. (If that sentence took you by surprise you can read more about what my family has been going through here.)
The Jacket: In 2019 I bought a vintage army jacket liner at a military surplus store. In 2020 I bought a matching pair of pants. It became my winter uniform, the polyester stuffing making it incredibly warm (too warm, at times?). I love my liner jacket but had been wishing for a more fitted version. One of my favorite stores in Portland, Ferdinand, has a fun selection of used clothes and when I saw the sleeve of this jacket peeking out of a clothes rack on an instagram post, I knew it was what I had been looking for. It's sooo cozy and I've been wearing it with dresses and skirts. And it has pockets!
The Shoes: Until I bought these boots I had been wearing a leaky pair of Timberland chelseas I thrifted for $10 in 2017. Even though they leaked I had convinced myself that I didn't deserve a new pair of boots (oof, yeah I'm working on that, I swear). I found these like-new John Fluevogs at Haberdashery in Portland after selling a bunch of my clothes there and getting store credit (woohoo!). I used the credit along with a little help from my boyfriend (thanks, Sighless xoxo). I have been thrifting my shoes for my entire adult life and although these babies weren't new, they were solid and well made, and I didn't take them off for 6 months. The absolute bliss of shoe security! They go with everything and I've walked countless miles in them. They will need a little TLC before winter comes, but they have served me so well this year and I adore them. If you also feel like you don’t deserve new shoes, YOU DO. Winter is coming!
The Hair: These locks are a grown out buzz cut from last summer, made orange using color depositing conditioner from ColorLux. Styled in a quick devil-may-care fashion with a mini Chunks claw clip.
Ok, that was fun!
From 2020-2021 I wrote over 10,000 words about CLOTHES and kept them to myself. I’m hoping to find the right format to share some of them with you soon. My hope is to keep writing and sharing work and updates with you here in my newsletter and kind of just follow my whims on instagram. I find it incredibly hard to promote my work on that platform without losing my mind a little. If you’re reading this, thanks for being here! Read on for some notes:
Thanks to everyone who came out to the beautiful New England Art Book Fair at the beginning of this month. It was a lovely reprieve from the heartache I’ve been inhabiting all summer. I made a pact with myself to do more print and book fairs! Book people SHOW UP and it’s always so affirming to be surrounded by printed goods and the people who love them. If you know of any fair leads please send them my way! I sold out of a few things at this fair (!!!) but I’m hoping to do a big reprint in time for the holidays.
I’m planning on making a new online shop so it’s easier to buy my work, but for now, ordering through my website still works. Things are just moving a little slowly as I’m sailing through the choppy waters of grief.
I just devoured The Unreality of Memory by Elisa Gabbert, which was given to me by another friend named Grace (!!). Having a loved one in hospice has meant a lot of sitting around, often looking at my phone for…hours. This book broke my reading drought. It kind of felt like reading a podcast. My mind is buzzing.
I’ve been listening to the song 'Hold the Girl' by Rina Sawayama on repeat. One of the first nights after my mom's surgery, my dad and I ran to Trader Joe's for food and we ate in the parking lot while I danced to this song under the streetlights.
As always, thanks for reading. Take heart and take care.
xoxo m